Your Happiness Will Soar By Using These Little Words!
In our world of hurry-and-wait, keeping-up-with-the-Joneses, and pandemic trauma-drama, have we lost the art of saying “thank you”? Handwritten snail-mail notes are no longer in fashion, but have smiling digital emojis actually replaced the kindness of simply saying “thank you” out loud?
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What if you knew that practicing gratitude made your entire outlook on life better?[1] Would you start saying “thank you” more often? Studies show that if you practice the art of gratitude for only five minutes a day, it's possible. Robert Emmons, Ph.D., an author, researcher, and professor of psychology at UC-Davis has dedicated his career to research on gratitude and happiness. According to the scale Emmons used in some studies to calculate well-being, participants who practiced gratitude were a full 25 percent happier than other participants. He and his peers also discovered that a person who experiences gratitude has a higher coping mechanism and may show increased resilience to stress in the face of trauma. Gratitude can also help you recover more quickly from illness offering the benefit of greater physical health.[2]
When you are asked to do a favor[3]…like brainstorming with someone looking for a job…running a last-minute errand…loaning an item…helping paint a house…using personal connections to improve an outcome…babysitting a kid or tending to an aging adult…all of these are opportunities to be thanked. Perhaps in person, on the phone, via cyberspace, or gasp…a handwritten note.
How do you express thanks? Are you a “state” or “trait” gratitude expressor? In state gratitude, you’re thankful in the moment, but you’re not necessarily a particularly grateful person in general. In trait gratitude, you’re almost always a gratitude-expressing person. It is trait gratitude that corresponds to the benefits of higher well-being and overall happiness[4]. In fact, this trait can be taught, and it can also be learned.
At our house, before digging into the evening meal, we have a tradition of going around the table and saying what we are thankful for and for whom we wish to pray. It is an easy reminder that we have bountiful lives and the power to lift up others in their struggles. But finding words of thanks is sometimes harder than praying for another. It’s as if admitting that we need help weakens our personal armor, reveals a glimpse of our façade, or is simply unpalatable.
Actually, “thanks” is an old Latin word stemming from the word tongēre. Loosely translated, it reads, “I will remember what you have done for me.”[5] Saying these words is specifically meant to convey gratitude.
Recently, I heard Mr. Shankar Vedantam on the radio discussing his fascinating ‘Useful Delusions’ book. In it he explores the personal thinking we use to convince ourselves that we are amazing and clever, able to overcome obstacles, run faster, jump higher, etc. He further details how this delusional thinking helps us tackle problems in our everyday lives. Yet sometimes we forget to review that thinking. Was there a mentor, a parent, a stranger who helped you? Perhaps their assistance was in the form of money, encouragement, opportunity? Consider the extraordinary accomplishment of climbing Mt. Everest. Did not a Sherpa carry your gear and provide expert navigation to the top? Vedantam suggests we do a little fact checking before taking all of the credit. Turns out, giving thanks matters!
Here are five simple ways to get started on the happiness path of saying thank you and expressing gratitude. If you do any of these each day, your five minutes will be gone in a flash on your highway to healthy happiness.
1. Write a note or card. Something imperfect yet heartfelt is better than nothing written.[6]
2. Keep a gratitude journal. Remember the high points in a book or journal.
3. Make a phone call. Just to say thanks. Even a voicemail will do.
4. Meditate on your abundance. Count your blessings.
5. For those of you who are spiritual, pray for others instead of yourself!
In pursuit of more happiness in your life, take a moment to remember those who helped. And of course, remember the science…that confirms when you give and receive thanks and perform acts of gratitude, your brain is automatically redirected to pay attention to what you have, producing intrinsic motivation and a strong awareness of the present. Also, at the neurochemical level, gratitude acts as a catalyst for neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine – the ones that manage our emotions, anxiety, and immediate stress responses.[7]
This is such encouraging research. Who knew saying “thank you” would be so beneficial to both the giver and the receiver? Please pass it on[8]. We can all use a little more happiness in our lives!
To all my friends, family and colleagues out there reading this article and supporting my passion projects: Thank you! I will always remember what you have done for me, as noted in my journal!
Annie
P.S. Are you as interested in the science of happiness as I am? Take this poll! Results will be shared in next month’s blog.
https://forms.gle/w8v9Qby2wzyt3LZj7
[1] https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier
[2] https://www.inc.com/marla-tabaka/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier-according-to-years-of-research.html
[3] https://hbr.org/2011/01/the-biggest-mistake-ppl-make-af.html
[4] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201902/what-do-people-who-don-t-say-thanks
[5] https://www.access2interpreter.com/the-history-of-thank-you-around-the-world
[6] https://www.thespruce.com/how-to-write-thank-you-letters-1196798
[7] https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-gratitude/
[8] https://www.intelligentchange.com/blogs/read/how-to-write-a-gratitude-letter