Happy, Happier, Happiest
We all want to be happy. So much so that “happy” is the focus of some catchy songs. Consider three of my favorites: “If You’re Happy and You Know It, Clap Your Hands,” and “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” from years ago, as well as the more recent hit “Happy” by Pharrell Williams. Are the songs swirling in your head now? Did they make you smile?
But what is “happy” and how can we achieve it? Annie’s last blog delved into this as she focused on gratitude. She asked our followers to fill out a simple questionnaire. Here’s what we learned from the responses:
Good news! 100% of our respondents are “generally happy.”
We all hit bumps on the road, so we didn’t ask if people were “always happy.” Instead we asked if they were “generally” happy, or “not sure” or “regrettably, no.”How long do our respondents practice gratitude each day? We discovered that you are a grateful group!
57% say 10-20 minutes
36% say 5-10 minutes
7% say 45 or more minutes
Which practice methods do you report using? We also learned that you are a busy bunch!
72% make phone calls
72% pray for others
57% mail a note or card
14% keep a gratitude journal
7% meditate
7% report being consciously aware of the goodness in my life
7% count blessings
7% say thank you for tiny, everyday things to those I’m around
Do you feel adequately thanked for your kindness? (As we will see, focusing on this isn’t really a good indicator of happiness, nor does it add to happiness.)
79% say sometimes
14% say always
7% say never
Do you feel like you adequately thank others for their kindness?
64% say sometimes
36% say always
All-in-all, we appear to have a thankful, grateful group of followers who feel they mostly thank others for their kind gestures. Is there more out there to help us achieve increased happiness?
Luckily, research shows that we can increase our happiness, much like we can increase our bicep firmness, with some simple steps. A recent NPR feature explains how Michelle Shiota, a psychologist, recognized her own need for a happiness boost and turned to the field of neuroscience and studies about emotions. The feature goes on to explain we can increase emotions that are part of the Family Tree of positive emotions (pride, nurturant love, contentment, nostalgia, flow, gratitude and awe).
Is there more out there to help us achieve increased happiness?
So what actions can we take to increase happiness beyond practicing gratitude? Are there any fun and easily accessible tools or resources that we can implement to increase our happiness? YES!
This topic has always fascinated me. During COVID lock-down, I stumbled across a free on-line class offered by Yale called “The Science of Well-Being” with Dr. Laurie Santos at the helm. The course, based on Yale’s most popular class titled Psych 157: Psychology and the Good Life, became a hit during 2020. According to the New York Times, more than 3.3 million people signed up for this online class that provides interesting information as well as tools and tips.
Practicing gratitude is one of the steps to increase happiness. It takes the focus off of us and places it on the person you are thanking. Similarly, while most people think that spending money on themselves might bring happiness, it is the reverse (once basic needs are met). Spending money on others actually increases your happiness more than spending money on yourself.
But you don’t have to spend money on someone to get the bang for your buck here. Simply celebrating someone else’s good experiences or meaningful events gives us a boost.
“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
This rings true for me and makes me think of my grandmothers. They were both excited to celebrate whenever someone had good news to share, and that made everyone around them feel great. I now know that celebrating others made them feel great as well! They were people-magnets. I can still hear those wise women in my head. In addition to celebrating others, they gave a warning that I think bears repeating so we don’t unravel the good we create. Most of us probably remember our “elders” reminding us, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” THAT fits right into the happiness profile. Be sure to focus on the good, but don’t overlay some bad along the way. In other words, if your friend shares plans they think are fun, but those plans don’t seem like what you would enjoy (or even if they select something to eat that you wouldn’t), don’t judge their choices and provide negative commentary! Just be happy for them. Smile. Say something nice or happy about it...be happy because they are happy! Or just be quiet. You will BOTH feel better.
The other NPR segment that captured my attention was AWE. Practice awe to increase happiness. My maternal grandmother, who lived to be 95, was always filled with awe. I really mean ALL.THE.TIME. It became a topic of conversation that brought us to laughter-tears when I was in college! I swear if she went out on any given day, she would return and explain that she had seen the prettiest blue bird, the greenest trees, the loveliest grass, the most colorful flowers, the most stunning house, and she would then drink a glass of the best cold tea...EVERY LITTLE THING was amazing to her, and she was a VERY happy woman. A magnet. I thought of her awe as cute then. Now I think she was brilliant! She was practicing AWE every single day, and she was good at it. It was her way of life. Apparently if you do this, it becomes like muscle memory (think of playing the piano) and your response to life just becomes...happier!
So my five top take-aways about happiness from THE MOST FUN reading on this FANTASTIC subject (me practicing AWE) are:
Share appreciation (remember Annie’s thank-you note and journal tips)
Celebrate others (and if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything, i.e., don’t overlay negative judgment along the way)
Practice AWE! (It is the MOST AMAZING experience! - You caught that, right? Grin.) And for an added boost, head outside into nature to do this...the NPR segment reported that sounds of nature seem to help, too!
Listen to The Happiness Lab podcast.
Dr. Santos created a podcast after the on-line class I mentioned. I love listening to it while I drive. Dr. Santos shares some of her very interesting research as well as tips for boosting happiness, and she hosts fantastic guests. I promise you will smile while you drive!Consider an App or a Planner to help increase your positive thinking. Search the term “happiness” to find one that resonates with you.
You have been the best followers, friends and cheerleaders for us. Thank you! We know you know our “Read This…” guided journals give you an easy, fun way to write THE MOST WONDERFUL notes about people you love, which they can draw upon for years to come. (Yes. I am smiling.)